From the offices of Wizard Magazine

This may or may not be the first time you're seeing this item, but we at Elite Comics feel it's important that all comic book fans be privy to this news. The following internal memo from Wizard Magazine was leaked by someone inside the publication who has asked that their identity remain secret.  Given the fact that the Wizard "staff" now consists of roughly three freelancers and a dog-eared copy of Previews catalog, it shouldn't be too difficult to determine the source.

To:  Staff

Re:  New format

Many of you have recently questioned the idea behind our new format.  It's simple.  Rather than try to compete with the internet, we will be taking a page, if you will, from their playbook.  It's so much easier to create a list of items, rather than researching and writing a legitimate article.  To this end, we will henceforth be numbering the "articles" in our publication from 1 to 40.  Don't worry.  No single article will have any more significance than any other; the numbers will be entirely arbitrary.

We will, of course, continue in our endeavors to produce an entire publication devoid of any opinion.  Our goal in continually remaining positive about even the most questionable of projects is never to alienate a potential guest for our conventions.  As you well know, the featured guests for the upcoming Toronto show include Eliza Dushku and one of the polar bears from the television show, Lost.  The polar bear may or may not be a last minute cancellation dependent upon prior Coca Cola-related holiday commitments.

Dushku's a lock.

Despite our decreased page count, our writers may still struggle to come up with new and unique stories on a monthly or bi-weekly basis.  Our solution:  stop trying.  Please refer to the latest edition of Previews catalog (see second floor men's room).  They're more than happy for us to do a full-page spread for an upcoming statue or hardcover collection.  Just be sure to include the requisite three lines of text to accompany photo reproduction.

From this point on, we will no longer be featuring the extensive price guide for which we're known, but please do nothing to devalue CGC-graded titles in the eyes of our readers.  By now, we all know they're utterly meaningless, but that doesn't mean we want to broadcast it to the general populace.

Should we ever be straddling the line between legitimate magazine and fanzine due to page count, please feel free to call Jason Aaron.  He is currently the only professional in comic books nice enough to always return our calls.  Either that, or we can once again raid Bendis' Twitter posts.

Good luck and God bless.